ALMOST A YEAR

Oh my how can it be almost a year?

It truly has been a long year and one that holds many emotions. Last September we were dealing with the worst situation possible. How to help our child and make him comfortable? How to understand what the doctors were recommending? But more importantly realizing that his little body was done fighting and that it was time to let him fight or make a flight up to heaven. It was a very surreal feeling realizing he had to enter hospice care. The George Mark Children house was the best place for him and us to be. More important than anything for me is that I was able to hold my son in my arms as he took his last breathe at 2:53pm.

As I reflect on the past year I have realized and come to an understanding on so many things.

First, and foremost is that my precious baby boy is out of pain. He is totally free from tubes, seizures, medicines, and a restricted childhood. We, the ones left behind are the ones in pain, and that is a gift that we gave to Zachary. We are now in pain and he is not. Yes, I get angry and mad and can’t believe that this has happened, but those feelings don’t change the outcome. The outcome is so complicated. He is out of pain, but now we are in more pain then I could have ever imagined. I just keep reminding myself that he is watching over me, and is with me all the time. Someday I know I will get to hold him again.

Second, is the support of our family and friends? People tell you that there is so much support in the beginning and then it dwindles away. That didn’t happened to us! We had an overwhelming feeling of support almost suffocating in the beginning, and then it went away. I know it isn’t because people don’t care/didn’t care…I know its weird and uncomfortable!! However, people still are around and let us know they are there for us! We still get random acts of kindness all the time, and it brings a smile to my face. Usually, those acts of kindness come on days when I’m have a rough day. I have received cookie drop offs, meals, donations, coffee at work, thoughtful cards, and offers to even clean my house!!! We had so many people show their support through the Zumbathon we had in May, which helped us out so much! The George Mark Children’s house sends us a card whenever people donate in memory of Zachary, and those cards still come in ☺ In Zachary’s name thousands of dollars have helped the George Mark Children’s house to give other families the blessing we had.

Third, I (we) am still grieving and it’s okay. I was holding it together for so long and letting others cry, scream and be mad. Now, it’s my turn to feel and still grieve. I think of him daily and can’t imagine how I can go on, but I do. Garrett and Dominic are there making sure I get up everyday with a smile and cherish is moment of their lives. I am now allowing myself to cry around people. I NEED to talk about him, and make sure his memory never disappears. I NEED to cry and have people hug me and not judge me. Yes, it will be a year….but I have to deal with the fact daily that it will be a lifetime without him.

Finally, PERSPECTIVE!! After everything my family has gone through. “Put it in perspective.” Life is too short. Enjoy every minute. Don’t get caught up in stupid arguments, anger, or even work stuff. Take a breath and realize that nothing is worth the stress. Adam and I both tell each other that if we are making it through the loss of Zach, then we can make it through anything. I have good days, bad days and ok days. Being back at work helps me have mainly GOOD DAYS ☺

And with all that said, we are going to remember him on his one-year mark! We are calling it Zachary’s Memory Day. Please come and join us, everyone is welcome and we hope everyone can make it.

In addition to Zachary’s Memory Day, on Sunday the 9th between 12-3 we will be up at his graveside. I know many people haven’t seen his beautiful marker, so please stop by. I will be putting vases of sunflowers up at his “spot” so if you would like to add to the bunch please bring some up!



In Memory of
Zachary Bullock
10-10-10

Zachary’s Memory Day

It will be a year in October that Zachary left us and went to heaven.

Please join us in remembering him on..

Monday, October 10th, 2011
2:30pm
Memorial Park (top grass area)
*balloon release at exactly 2:53pm

Please come join us to remember Zachary.
His favorite color was red, so please wear red!